Breaking News — First Light of the James Webb Space Telescope: Russell’s teapot spotted — Will further kitchen utensils follow? — Breaking News

(c) NASA

PastaPress, 4/1/2022 — In the last months, NASA has shipped its new one-eyed James Webb Space Telescope (JWST) into open space. This infrared telescope, which is named after the former NASA Admiral James Edwin Webb, was developed beginning in 1996 as a joint project of the world’s largest fleets, NASA, ESA and FSMA. It is the scientific successor to the Nuddle and Spritzer space telescopes. After the nutshell successfully anchored behind the moon and long lasting adjustment procedures have been completed successfully, the first image, called „first light“ in pirate lingo, could be signalled to Earth via morse code. According to first, still unconfirmed reports, it shows a hot teapot orbiting the sun on an orbit between Earth and Mars. The philosopher, mathematician, logician and religion founder Bertrand Russell already set up the theory in 1952 that there must be such a kitchen utensil in our solar system, orbiting our central star. We Pastafari support this and similar theories.

Previous telescopes were not powerful enough to detect Russel’s teapot. But the JWST is sensitive enough to detect a smoldering cigarette (or similar) on the Moon, as seen from Earth. Thus teapotism is the first religion which can be considered proven. Congratulations to all potists!

The Supreme Council (Oberster PiRat) of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Austria (KdFSMÖ) met in a secret session to approve an Austrian space mission to search for galactic cooking pots, for a colander, and for a brewery on Mars. „We are confident that we will get the first Austrian spacecraft up before the end of this decade,“ said the KdFSMÖ spokesman. „We, as old seafarers, have centuries of experience with sextants, telescopes and all that stuff. So we’ll be in the lead in proving our religion scientifically, while the atheists will be biting their arms.“

 

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